Gleaner_19830401

              ApriJFooJs
Issue J983
C@e
CLe
Reagan Confers with Bellinger
- New MX Plan in the Works
Press International
a week of intense discussion
his political advisors Presidenl
Reagan flew into Rochester loday to
meet with his ctose friend. Sam
"8eebee" Bellinger to discuss a plan
save the MX missile by raising funds
of the budget.
sorces outside of Bellinger ,n',, ___ , .. Complex suii overheard the
l conficfenlial conversation between the
"""sidenIS, Bellinger appears to
Reagan to offer a
I cestul(eol good will in order 10 capture
Indian vote and raise
for the MX missile at the same
launched from radio dispatched cabs
in N.Y.C. When asked why New York
City was Ihe site chosen. Reagan
resppnded " A New York cab is
perfect. They're highly mobile and the
Russians can't possibly tell which
cabs have the MX's. In addition the
MX missles themselves will be
downscaled as a cost saving
measure. Missile production sites in
the new Reagan plan would be located
inSide of Tonka and MaHel toy fac·
tories to reduce Soviet surveillance.
Reagan leels that the two companies
have the most effective security
systems of all U.S, toy manufacturers.
When asked how much the MX
would be shrunk, Reagan stretched
!;lut his arms and said , " So big' " The
new missiles carry an 18 oz. nuclear
overhead with the exp.losive
equivalent of 5 pounds of dynamite. In
response to questions over the
change in throw weight and destruc·
tive power Reagan replied, "Yes, Ihe
missiles are more compact and have
an even more deadly accuracy than
before. I wouldn't want to be on the
receiving end when that missile hits, I
called Dobrynin and Andropov Ihis
moming and told them that our new
MX fleet is so accurale it could knock
out individual phone booths in the
Kremlin ."
" We mean business, " Reagan con·
tinued. If the Soviets want to protect
their pay phone system from annhila·
tion they'll have to put them in harden·
ed silos. The Soviet people won 't
allow that so I th ink our new MX is th'e
kind of detterent to nuclear war that
will keep the Kremlin hung up for
years. "
Much to Do About
Ulacs
by Ralph Ford
To bloom or not to bloom
That is Marc's question.
Whether tis nobler in the buds of Lilacs
To suffer the wings of sparrows
Or to be subject to Marc's outrageous
poetry.
~
Student in the News: $
~~? w~ki~:~t in the news U ~/~; -=--1
was selecled because he has done \ ~ Q
something that other stude~ts h~ve . /J ~~J
only attempted to do. Since onenlaioon ~
Sidney J . Video has played Pac-Man ( \I.,: /
nonstop In the Shults center lor . . ~:: % 18.737 games. We were informed of .. '\\,~:, ).
Sidney's unique lifestyle by one of the I '/ (' 1))1 /)( /1
previ'!uSIY mistaken Sid for part of the / ' /
janitors in the Shults Center who had \IB
machme. f;;J.
I lJJJj ,
Opl"a~y" s"o" m' u"ch' 'v'i'd'e'o .? "," "" """ --i'.'1:'"* l..'. ~T"~' ---
Sidney: Well, on orientation day back
in 19821 put a quarter in and the game
hasn 't bealen me yet
Q: That's amaling! you mean to tell .<"
me you 've been playing Olle game
since September? How do you go to
class?
S: What class? I haven't had the time.
Do you think I'd leave the highest
scoring game of my life?
Q:What score do you have? 'Head' Lines s: I don 'l know. It blew out on
Christmas day, Let's just say that Ms.
Pacman has eaten enO,ugh seeds and
fruit to feed eight Third World Coun·
tries.
Q: What do you intend to do when the
game is over? "
• Kidera Names Valby
Commencement Speaker
• Greg Evans Voted 'Best
Dressed - 1956'
S: Go to my car, I think Ilel1 my lights • Donny Marx Disputes
on.
Groucho's Will
• Jim Cultrara Refuses to
Debate Opponent
• Students Return All
Overdue Books
• Library to Build New
Wing
• Officers Harper and
Perry Reported Smiling
Goodbye ~harlie • Alec Sutherland's Tailor
Dies of Exhaustion
• Father Paul to Visit Ber­muda
on Money Lost in
Kearney Coke Machine
quote of the week - John
" Can anything good come out of
reth?" .
Cleaner
Suggestion
Box
For a Good Time . ..
Dial 225 and ask for
ROCKYI
by' Guy Nlcoluccl
Today, the world was shocked and
saddened by the death of that genial
fis~l about town. Charlie the Tune , in a
hunting accident. Charlie met his
death when O.J. Simpson snared him
duringa fish ing segment of the ' 'Wide
World 01 Sports,"
A former musical comedy star
( " Guys and Dolphins " ) and
songwriter (" 'Three Liltle Fishies in an
Itty Sitty poon . Charlie was just a
small town fish from Cape Cod '!'lith
musical ambitions (his father was a
piano tunal. Though he tried to hide it,
Charlie was deeply hurt by Starkist's
rejection. On a recent Merv Griffin
show he complained, "How can they
teU if I taste good? Have they ever
tasted me? Besides, how many t\sh
wear a beret? They should consider
me quite a catch."
His career going downhill, Charlie
started drinking like a lish. He 8uf·
fered from severe Migraine Haddocks
that not even his friend the prominent
slurgeon, Dr. Fisheye Pierce could
cure,
" I told him he shoutd layoff the
drinking'," said Pierce. "But all he
would say is ' I'm a fish. Birds goHa ffy
and fish gOlla drink: ..
Charlie was a whale of a guy. We'll
not see his equal for a long time, at
least not outside a Red Lobster
restaurant. Charlie's remains will be
on display over O.J , Simpson's
mantel and fireplace,
• Rocky Maddalina Gives
Birth to Twins
• Pres. Kidera to host
Buckaroo Club
Ted Kmiecik Early
for Class
Ted Kmiecik, Editor·in·chief of the
Gleaner, was discovered 10 be early in
his fifllt morning class: a first for Mr.
Kmiecik. Fellow students were in
shock of his promptness. It was later
discovered that Ted had slept In the
classroom the night before" .The
Gleaner Editor had his regular morn·
ing cup of tea delivered by SAGA room
service.
2 The ClEANER Aprtl1,1983
j'
• I I
So ... You need a degree?
- We own the college.
... Need a place to stay?
- We own the dorms.
- . .. -.
...: _ ""' ,,~l_ .=.-.-
... Want to buy textbooks?
- We own the bookstore.
;/
... Want a good job?
- I've already got it!
Editor in the News: TED KRAMECIK
by Thomas Delpha
Meet Ted Kmiecik. ediior 01 the
Nazareth Gleaner. While interviewing
Ted some very surprising facts were
revealed. Facls I would like. to share
wilh my rea,ders. One mighl wonder
how one attains the dubious honor of
becoming Editor of the illustrious
Nazareth Gleaner.
Reliable sources have informed me
that Ted Kmiecik. this year's editor.
won the right by winning at a game of
strip poker. That's right. it seems
Marc laveccia (tast year's editor), Art
Smith and Ted sat down to a wild
game of strip poker amongst the three
of them . Marc, down to his tast shred
of clothing. and jusl a pair of one·eyed
jacks to protect his honor decided to
olrer his title as editor, as opposed to
schedding his little red heart jockey
specials. Needless to say. Ted won
the game and the Gleanerwoutd never
quite be the same alter that.
Did you ever wonder what the lite of
a reporter was tike? According to Ted.
it is an unendling job. Stories can
develop atmost anywhere. at any time.
and some stories get printed that
don't even exist. Ted believes it is his
job as editor to get at teast half of his
facts straight to make a story
somewhat reliable and to slill burn' as
many peopte as he can in IIle process.
The Gleaner staff is allhand'picked
and each member serves a specific
purpose in making Ted look good.
There is Mary Melito - she is pur­ported
to be Business Ml!nager of Ihe
Gleaner. but inside sources have it
Ihat she is Ted's secret love. and the
Gleaner offive serves only as a tate
night rendezvous spot for the two of
Ihem. There is also Clare Donnelly.
alias. " The Snitch. " her angle is to go
out and dig up as much gossip as
possible and to report a:: information
back to Ted. He in turn, distorts the
Iruth in a tactfully wriMen articte.
There are also slaff writers, Guy
Nicolucci, Kalhy Kehoe, Marc Lavec·
chia and myself who must remember
al all times that we are writing under a
mastermind and as underlings of such
a brill iant writer. we must bow before
his mOSI Literatenessm, and at all
times give him lull credit for all our well
researched stories.
I have atso been informed tllat a
planned·to·be·released photograph 01
a nude Nazareth temale sunbather
(vacationing in Florida) was to be
released in Ihis week's issue.
However. it mysteriously disappeared
last week while in Ted 's custody.
This is Ted Kmiecik, editor of Ihe
Gleaner, at age 41 . He seems to have
a real grip on his life. Perhaps, soon.
Ted will reach his quest to become
editor of the National Enquirer.
An EpidemiC of Heroin & Fear
Surrounded by poppIes In a Pakistani
field. They will produce opium by spr·
ing and heroin in New York by tall.
tChe
PUB
Do you find yourself com·
plaining to your roommate that
there's nothing to do on cam­pus?
Are the pressures of your
studies getting you down? Tired
of the constant confining space
of four walls?
In 1969, I proposed to the
Presiden t·elect. Nixon, that interna·
tional drug traHic be placed on the
agenda of American foreign policy. He
in tum agreed. In August of that year. I
flew eastwards to Calcutta. Istanbul.
and lastly Paris to talk WIth American
and local offiCIals. staling Ihat the
Umted States found Intolerable the
commerce In smuggled heroin Ihal
{Ioods our CI tIes, and brings wilh It a
plague of death nnd cnme
Dealhs from "overdose' Oi hero)!)
had 31so reached epidemIC proper·
lions by the 1960s and ,n the Irain of
all th,s came gang warfare. lBy 1981 .
Well break out of that vicious Art Smith working at the Pub
cycle of complaining and feel·
ing depressed.
Art Smith is a trained bartender who gels paid to listen to
your troubles! Unlike your friends, Art can" walk away from
you. And even if he can'l stand to lislen to your grief at least
he'll pour you under the table - your friends would never do
lhall So why not try the Pub when you're feeling down. Your
roommate will appreciate It!
~A T ~.,.a Vnu. Jl4h-v'
by Oanlet PatriCk Moynihan
ihere were a record number of
homicides In New York City. A quarter
were tied to drugs. as dealers robbed
and executed one another. Not 10
mention those c rimes attributed to the
addicted, who sought any means. all
means, to support a most expensive
habtl .)
The her ion lIo.wlng Into Ihe United
States begins as opium grown in
Turkey Which th~n i~ processed In
M rselill'S. Flanr",. Mosl " f It was
grown in II,e province of AfYO!1. Vlnlcl,
in Turkish means " op,um" II had
Deen a Irad,llon I crop. grown for pop·
py seeds. Which we aSSOClale with
bread and hfe, but whIch we were noV!
to aSSOCiate with the slow death In our
cities.
Ne~t , I flew to Paris where my
reception was more distant. For one
thing. the American embassy had
never heard of a herion problem,
much less the " French Connection."
Nor were the French aUlhorities much
interested in the fact that we didn't
seem able to enforce our own laws.
Many trips followed. mostly to
Paris. Slowly, the French were can·
vlnced that they were part of our pro,
blem. In 1969, there was one (!) death
on the Riviera from heroin overdose. It
obvlousty occurred to the French that
heroin coutd become their problem
also.
The French Connection was
b ro~en . The Turkish opium fields clos·
ed down.
tn the 19705. heroin production
moved to Mexico. The United States
govemment was much belier roganiz·
ed now. The issue was on the agenda
of American foreign policy, By the end
at that decade, the Mexica.n connec­tion
had broken , tco.
Heroin production them moved to
O ... I~: ... t ....... T ........ ~"'~ """ th.o. 'r'~"QfQr it:::
Washington something callfjd The na·
tional Narcotics Intelligence Con·
cumers (sic) Committee, which pro·
duces an annual Narcotics In·
telligence Estimate. In 1976, they
recorded " negligible" amounts of
haroin coming Into Ihe United Slates
Irom Southwesl Asia. Proportion:
zero. By 1980. the proponlon had
risf:;n 10 eo percent. It is I1r)W ProD .. bly
three'lluaners
What Is mcre [here hal'e b~ n
grow'ng sIlln:) of a ,eneww hero,n
enid mlc 'n tile Unlle:d States alter a
period of slack ing off The Generat Ac·
r.ounting Office finds that the price of a
milligram pr heroin has dropped
steadily from 53.25 in 1979 to $1 66
in 1982. m,ere are open Slreel
markets for heroin. We learn prices by
buying.)
In the early nineteenth century, a
Gennan chemist discovered how to
make morphine out of raw opium, II
was one 01 those early and
characteris tic developments In
science and lechnology whereby a
" natural" product was transformed
from a lower to a higher levet at inten·
shy. As. for example. when it was
learned how 10 distill wine into brandy,
Now morphine (opinions differ on
brandy) was surely a bleSSing 101
mankind. Once combined wilh ihe
Iwpodermic needte, invented at aboul
the same time. it made modern
surgery possible. It also created mor·
phine addiction. Toward lI,e end 01 the
century. herion was developed as a
cure for morpnine addiction: (Herioo
. Is a trade name" as is aspirin.!
By the '1960s, tor reasons I don 'I
think anyone fully understands,
heroin addiction becam epidemic in
our targer cities. And with it. crime.
and the fear of crime. became
epidemic also. Fear became com·
mnnnla("'.A.
a'
I'
Feahlre
Much To Do About Mark LaVecchia
by Ted KmIecik
G.-Marc, you 've been a wriler now
for several years. How did you get
started?
Marc-It was about 1974. My friend
Erma Bombeck told me that the only
way to be 8 writer was to write. She
gave me a cookbook to read and I've
been following her recipe ever since.
G.-Where do you get your ideas
from?
Marc-Lots of places. Creative pea·
pie just have this thing inside them
and well, its in there!. People give me
ideas. good books, and I Ihink that
alcohol abuse is imporlant.
G.-"Much to do about Nothing" is
so popular on the Naz campus. Do
you plan 10 publish elsewhere?
Marc-Oh, yeah. The spanish
paper in Cuba wants it. Fidel calls it
" Muchode Nada Mas". And I'm plan·
ning a special column for "Consumer
Reports" on student travel' 'Far to go
on very IiHle".
G.- Have you considered other
types of writing besides satire?
Marc-Sure, I want 10 write a play
based on Hemingway'S " The Sun
Atso Rises. " II's pretty dramatic
Shakespearean. stuff,
G.-What's it about?
Marc-It·s about this Italian im·
migrant family where only Marco. the
son, can ftnd work and he has to help
his family alter World War II. The tille
is trom the father's line. People
always see the family silting on Ihe
steps but Marco's never around. So
when they ask for Marco, the father
always says. ,·the son goes downa·lol
2." Which is his way of explaining that
Marco is a parking lot atlendant at
Delco.
G.-What's that have to do with " The
Sun Also Rises " ?
Marc-Nothing much.
G.-You menlloned Shakespeare.
Why are you attracted to him?
Marc-He'stheonlyguy I know that
looks good in pleated shorts and red
st9ckings. And the ruffled shirts look
good on any writer but Billy really
knows how to dress.
G.-Whal about Ihe<future Ma.rc?
Any dreams?
Marc-W~II, I guess if there 's one
fhing I want <aker money. lame. more
lame, and women) its to have AIIistair
Cook con1pile my col.umns into a
series. You know - "Marc La Vec·
chia 's America'"
WANT TO TRAVEL
AND NOT COME BACK?
Apnll.1~ rile CI.£ANE.R 3
Have
You
Seen'
Havana
Lately
??? • • •
GRAMA PRESS
There are several pros and cons
when it comes to visiling museums
and art galleries in Havana. They
usually open at 8:30 a.m. and remain
open until 10:00 p.m. Tuesda,y
through Sunday, but what makes it
very difficult to select which one to
visit is the large number of institutions,
Ihe variety of ex.hibits and the many
activities which they sponsor in·
eluding musical events and activities
for children.
The three· story high Museum of
Fine Arts. now celebrating its 70th an·
niversary, is currently featuring an ex.·
hibit dedicated to Jose Marti on the
occasion of the 130th anniversary of
his birth.
The display is on the third floor and
includes valuable documents and on.
jects related to Cuba 's National Hero,
sent from the various museums
throughout the counlry. On the same
floor there's an exhibit of works by the
great European masters. among the
Rembrandt. Durer. Gays, Chagall and
Picasso. On Ihe second lIoor is the
Young Artist Hall presenting a wide
collection of works by Cuba' s
youngesl arlisls. some of whom are In
their e<!rly twenties. The Painling of
Ihe Month is also 011 exhibit on this
floor. This mOl1fh il consists of The
Weavers by 19th·century U.S. painter
Waller Gay, The exhibil " A Decade of
Swiss Architecture" is on the ground
floor and has been drawing quile a
number of visitors. In the first few
weeks it was highlighted by lectures
'. and the s~10wi ng of documentaries on
the subject. And, of course. there is
also Antiques Hall, the Cuban Hall, the
Sculptures Hall and the Small Hall.
now dedicated to sculptor Jose Masi·
ques and his life. Courses on painting,
drawing, ceramics and handicralls for
chifdren are also conducted at the
museum as well as lectures and
seminars for adults on art apprecia·
tion and other subjects. A close rala·
tionship with the people in general is
established through Ihe guided tours
for groups of workers and sludents.
Concerts are held every Thursday and
on Sundays there is a number of
cultural events with well-known ar·
tists. bands and lectures. The Sunday
activities include the sale and auction
of objects d ' art.
If you have the lime, there's plenty
to see in the museums and galleries of
Havana. The visilor has the opportuni­ty
to see a Wide panorama of works by
Cuban artists as well as exhibits of
works by noted artists of the most
varied artistic trends and styles tar all
aver the world.
.. TheCWNER Apc111,1983
SPELL ... HOW DO YOU DO 1
1983 THREE TIMES FAST
Essay
Contest
Roomnuates
Sponsored by the Polish Veterans
of the Naz Reading Clinic
PEANUTS® by
Charles Schultz
GARFIELD®
by Jim Davis
There is alalia be said aboul how
much fun one person can ha~e in
Daytona Beach; none of which will be
printed in this week's column. And
since while I tl)' to be funny each
week, and evel)'one else al The
Gleaner tries to be serious; I have
decided to be serious while 9VeI)Ione
else tries to be funny.
That makes sense, doesn't it?
I have asked several people on cam·
pus about their dreams having sludied
seriously on modern interpretations.
My roommate has a book about dream
interpretations by Sigmond Freud, so
I figured thai makes me an authorily. I
will there tore present to you some
dreams and what their meaning. Since
this is a serious column, I will not in·
elude the dreamer's real name.
Greg Evans: "I had a dream thaI I
was being chased al/ over campus by
Rocky Maddalina for nOI paying a
parking tickel. I hid on Ihe service
road, bul I should have known thaI is
the lirSI place he would look. All of a
sudden I was following Ihis yellow·
Orick·road in search of Leonard
Nimoy. Whal does this mean?"
Answet: This dream means that you
eilher have Ihe hidden urge 10 be
chased (or to chase) men, or you were
lorced to walch The Wizard 01 Oz
when you were younger.
Valerie Girl: . 'Well, like, I was being
chowed on by Ihis furry alligator and il
'NBS . .. lIke ... Iol ally . . . Iike ...
grody .. .y'know ... like gag me wilh a
chain saw. II was a tubular experience
'cause Ihis galor Vias ... like ... Irylng 10
make my collar stay up. I was saying
silly Ihings'like 'Barl Me Ourl ' and '0·1·
f, diel' and before I could wake up
from this .. Ilke .. . awesome
dream ... like. " I found myself drowning
In a Pink Squirrel while engaging In
lechnlcolor yawns. Like whae does
this mean?"
Answer: This dream can be inler·
preted in so many ways. Personally, I
Ihink this dream means that your type
will give way for a new book.
Dream
Interpretations
Something like, " The Valley Girl's
Handbook ... Like .. . OHicially". Hun­dreds
of non·conforming conformist
girls will buy it since the preppie
pressure is off. GII/e il time. Another
week or so. The Valley Girl Syndrome
will be gagged soon enough. And that
little green aligator will stop chasing
you. Just like the guys did.
Beach Bum: "1 had Ihis dream that I
was just slanding 'on the beach /lexing
my muscles when al/ of a sudden my
basic V·shape was gone. And I was as
pale as a norlherner. It was scary. I
ran Into the ocean and wouldn 'I come
out. Bur rhal didn 'l work because my
skin became all wrinkled and I looked
like the Sea Hao from the Popeya
comic strips. Whal does Ihis mean?"
Answer: This simply means that
there Is more to life Ihan Popeye cern­Ic
strips. I can'l figure out anything
about your basic V·shape since I was
blessed with your baSic A·frame.
However, If I was to take a stab at this.
I would say thaI this is not really e
.dream. It sounds more like a joke.
Studenl; " I had lhis dream thar I
was falling from a ledge at Niagara
~OeJt
to DO
JtBou·L
:1\ o !itA 1" G
(by marc; la ,,~cchia
Falls. I kepf falling and falling and fal/­ing
but never hit bel/om. Incidentally,
in Ihe dream il was the day afler April
Fools Day in '983. What does Ihis
mean?"
Answer: This means that you will die
tomorrow.
Anolher Student: "/ had Ihis horri­ble
nightmare thaI I was on Ihat new
television show Lie Detector. I was
asked if my parents loved me Bnd if I
had any friends. I said 'yes ' to botl)
questions, bur F. Lee Bailey laid me
thar I was lying. What does this
meant"
Answer; After a bll of research, I
found out thaI this is not a dream. You
were ty ing. Your parents hate you,
you have no friends, and the govern·
ment is paying people to hang around
with you.
Yet Anolher Student: " I had this
really freaky dream thaI I was taking
quaaludes and was Irlpping my brains
out becausO! the drugs were put in my
drink by some guy at R.I. T. and he
said something about being pan of a
fraternily and he was a 'brolher and
wanted to show me his water-bed or
something like thaI. When I woke up, I
realized Ihatl wasn 'I Bwake, bUI it was
really a dream within a dream, and all
of a sudden I was involved in this
24·hour dance maraghon and with
Dne minute left 1 stopped, because
some guy named Donny Marx slep'
ped on my Ices on purpose. What
does thiS mean!"
Answer: How much are Ihose
quaaludes?
Dream on, people.
NOTE: So much time is spent wor·
rying about Ihings tha.! we often lose
sight of what Is really important. If you
have a problem and you want to tl)'
another approach instead of worring,
why don'l you write it down and drop it
in the Gleaner en~elope ro suggestion
box. I'll be happy to address your pro·
blem in a humorous fashion. It would
be fun to laugh at your problems for
once, wouldn 't it? Remember; the
longer you laugh. the longer you III/e.
And problems are easier to approach
with a smile.
Come to Health Day
On Thursday April 7, t983 from 12
noon to 3 P.M., a Nazareth Health Day
will be held in ihe Forum of Shults
Centel . sponsored by nursing
students in the Nursing Department
and personnel'of the Health Center.
Information will be available on a
va riely of lopics of Inleresl to
students, faculty and all employees of
Nazareth. 'Besides the sponsors there
will be representatives from communi·
ty organizations such as Planned
Parenlhood. Booths w1l1 have intorma·
tion on birth conlrol, venereal diseas~,
rape crisis, drug and alcohol misuse,
anorexia nervosa, diabetes and hints
. on the care 01 allergies and sunburn.
Blood pressure checks will be
avallabte.
We hope everyone will find some
time between Ihe hours of 11 A.M. and
3 P.M. on Thursday April 7 to visit, ask
questions and take home information
on health 10pics 01 interest .
The OTHER SIDE of the TRACKS'
JIMII •• I •• i ••• l •• I ' •• I •• , ' •• : •• I".,." ••• 1
LIVE ENTERTAINMENT WED., THURS., FRI. & SAT
MONDAY NIGHT:
10 Wings for $1 ,50
50<!: Drafts
THURSDAY NIGHT:
10 Wings for $1.50
·$1 Drinks all night for ladies
March 31 : Bart Dentino
Folk Rock
TUESDAY NIGHT:
Ladies' Night!
.$1 Drinks All Night!
FRIDAY NIGHT:
Two for 1 (5·7 pm)
LIVE Entertainmenti
April 1 : Steve Reynolds
SUNDAY NIGHT:
2 Movies 7 It Screen
Pitcher of Beer and Double
Order of Wings ~4.95
HAPPY HOUR:
WEDNESDAY NIGHT:
College Night!
50ct Drafts
75ct Well Drinks with
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. SATURDAY NIGHT:
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April 2: Steve Reynolds ·
Mon:-Fri: 2 for 1 DRINKS - 5 pm thru .7 pm
4 AI EET, PITTSFO
6 The CLEANER April 1 .• 1983
Some MuskA' 'Notes
Engelbert
Humperdinck
To Play
Eastman
Engelbert Humperdink . Ihe
phenomenal superstar, wi ll appear at
the Eastman Theatre for two perfor.
mances on Saturday, June 18 at 6 :30
p.m. and 9:30 p.m. The concerts are
sponsored by the Rochester Philhar·
monic Orchestra.
Growing up as one of ten children in
Leicester. England , Engelbert
Humperdinck never even thought of a
career in singing until his late teens.
Born Arnold Dorsey, he was a Lance
Corporal in the Royal Army SeT\lice
and later worked as a lathe operator in
a boot factory white he studied the Engelbert and frl~nd
DelJ.inll With Disque.
by John Wood
Almost anyone who has listened to
rock music has heard 01 The Who.
And anyone who has listened to The
Who has obviously heard of ils
nucleus, Peter Townshend. Among
his accomplishments in a 20 year
career including Tommy: the first rock
opera; Who 's Next; one 01 the finest
rock albums ever made, It was the
comeback of fellOW guitarist. Eric
Clapton and more recently, his own
comeback from a drinking problem
that nearly led to his death. Coming oft
1982, Townshend had released All
the Best Cowboys Have Chinese
Eyes; which explained his reo
emergence from his black period. The
Who's 11'5 Harowes one of the best
albums of the year. The farewell tour
was nothing short of extravagant. The
new Pete Townshend release, Scoop,
covers demo tapes made by
Townshend between f 964 and 1982,
including Who material as well as his
own.
The album, which is a two record
set, opens with TownShend talking
with "traHic noises in the back" . He
then plays a beautiful acoustic guitar
version of The Who's "So Sad About
Us' , . Suddenly, the tune is interrupted
by Ihe sound of a hotlow voice, follow­ed
up by a rhythm similar to The
Who's "Magic Bus". Side one ends
wilh Townshend 's piano version 01
Jerry Judge and Harry Williams ' "Tip­perary"
. The piano playing is im­pressive
but the voice impressions
tend to be tedious.
Side two opens with some fine piano
playing that was not used on
Quadrophenia <tentatively tilled:
" Unused Piano" : 'Ouadrophenia').
"Melancholia" is psychodellc
Townshend with studio tricks on
guitar and drums. Nexl is " Bargain" ,
Unlike the Who's Nex t cut which is
faster paced, the acoustic guitar and a
soft synthesizer dominate the .rack.
"Things Have Changed" Is another
mid·60 's demo. like the early Who,
this is poppish and has their old Rand
B form , The first half of the album ends
wilh a beautiful acoustic version 01 the
Who classic, "Behind Blue Eyes".
Side three starts wilh two demos of
" The Magic Bus" and " Cache,
Cache" ; whose L,P, versions appear
on The Magic Bus, The Who On Tour
and Face Dances. respectively. Like
the L.P. version, " The Magic Bus"
contains wild rhythms, acausic
guitars and vocals (Roger Daltrey, of
course, sings lead on the L.P.
version). The demo version of
" Cache, cache" starts off Immediate-musical
intra). The backing vocals on
Ihe chorus even net a few laughs,
The final side slarts with "Mary", a
dark love song boasting fine acoustic
guitar playing with pretly IIocals in a
dark tone. "Recorders", with its
sounds of the beacl1 and background
whistles done via a synthe.sizer (This
was a reject from Ouadrophenial,
connects " Mary" with " Gain '
Fishin"; a light pop/rock song
highlighling solid organ and guitar
playing, The last three l racks close
Ihe album beautifully . The guitar play­ing
with the jazzy frets in "To Barney
Kessell " is simply beaulilul. The demo
anthology closes with the Who
classic. "Love Reign O're Me" .
Although Roger Daltrey is obviously
not singing the vocal, Townshend
does jusl fine, showing great leeling
and a great voice in his vocals. The en·
ding closes perfectly, wilh Ihe sounds
01 the streel (from OuadropheniaJ at
t he end of Ihe track,
Overall, this two record anthology
displays demo material that has sum,
marized Pete Townshend's music
career, Scoopalsoexplainswhy Peter
Townshend has been an asset to rock
music I.or nearly !wenly years.
Cheech &
Chong Named
Acting Heads
of Theatre
Department
saxophone. On an impulse, Engelberl
entered a Singing conlesl and when
he won first prize, he realized what
path he would pursue, He took his
stage name from the composer of Ihe
famous opera, Hansel and Gretel.
In June 1967. the then little-known
Engelbert Humperdinck appeared on
the British lelevision show, "Sunday
Night al the London Palladium", in
place of anolher ailing performer. His
rendilion of an old American ballad,
"Release Me", began selling al the
rale 01 100,000 copies per day. It also
pushed another group's single from
the number one sPOt in the charts for
the first time in Ihat group'S history,
namely the Beatles ' "Penny Lane",
.. Release Me" was the firsl of a long
lisl of successes such as "The LaSI
Walll " , "A Man Without Love".
"Love is AW' , "Winterworld of Love",
"Another Time, Another Place" and
the platinum album and hil single,
" After the Lovin' .. ,
When the Singer arrived in Las
Vegas in 196B, many where wonder·
ing what an . ' Engelberl
Humperdinck" was. His performance
there, as well as an appearance on
lelellision's "The Ed Sullivan ShOW",
Quickly established Englebert as a
superstar in this country. The (01101"
ing year, in 1969, he had a televisiOn
special which led to a full series 00
ABC·TV, When the network later \lied
to cancellhe popular show. they were
beseiged with a petition conlaining
over 50,000 names of his fans. legen·
dary for their feT\lour,
Engelbert Humperdinck conlinues
to hea~tine Las Vegas and is currenlJy
booked at the Las Vegas Hilton, H !~
1982 debul at Carnegie Hall _
described by the superlatives thai
characterize all his performances,
which conlinuously sell oul. Engelber1
has also just recorded another album
for Epic Records, entitled "At Home
on Ihe Road".
Senate will be holding a financial aid
forum on APRIL 13 at 6 pm
and APRIL 14 at 12:45 pm in the Forum
Anyone who receives or wants to
receive aid should attend. We will also
discpss the lobbying trip to Washington
SUMMER JOBS
ON
CAMPUS ...
College Work-Study'
Campus Employment
Check in the
Placement Office
After April 15!
This Summer
AI Cc>rnell Unillersily you can enjoy a
remarkable variety of courses and
learning opportunities, In 8 setting of
beaulilul lakes. parks. ravines, and
waterfalls. you can fu lfill requiremenls,
accelerate your degree program. or
simply take Ihe courses thaI you've
always pul off, Ithaca, a small
co'smopolilan city, is locat'ed in a
magnificent, varied counlryside that
oilers you waler sports and ball games,
climbing and camping, thealer and
outdoor conCer1S, soanngand biking.
birding and hiking ... Call or write to see
for yourself why Cornell is the place you
should be this summer.
C-ornell U" l'le~ ity Summtr Se-Mlon
6121~_ Hall-B a x~ sa
Ithaca.. New York 14aS~
60112S6-49B7
.'u-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
•
r·
Hypothermia Number 1
Killer of Nature Lovers
·t by Christine Perri
~ The danger of frostbite may be over.
n awever a more serious life threaten·
9 cond~ion still exists. Hypother·
a ia, defined as the lowering of the
re body temperature (temperature
Ithe brain) Is the number one killer of
tdoor recreationists. and begins as
n as the body temperature drops!
ree F. Hypothermia usually oc·
rs in one of two ways: either from
Id water immersion, or the combina·
. n of wet clothes and wind immer· .
lon, or the cDmbination of wet clothes
nd wind especially when the outdoor
temperature is between 30 to 50
negrees F. when' it gets wet . Atso since fifty per·
cent of body heat is losl through your
head. wearing a warm hat conserves
considerable amounts of heat. If it is
raining. wear rain gear that really
keeps you dry and protects from the
wind as well. If you begin to feet cold.
take the time to stop hiking and drink
something warm and sweet. If you
know that you will be unable to stay
dry if you continue. be sensible
enough to find shelter or maKe camp.
The first step towards hypothermia
~ called exposure. This occurs when
e body is losing heat faster than it is
ing pnoduced. The body responds
exercising to keep wanm. and the
ood begins to center around the vital
gans. Both of these consume heat
d energy, so the body temperature
ntinues to drop. If this condition
rsists. the cold reaches the brain
nd your sense of reasoning and
udgement becomes affected .
owever. you won 't realize this is
appening and unless someone else
9 with you and recognizes and can
at the Signs and symptoms; stupor.
liapse. and death will result.
Your best defense against
ypolhermia when hiking is to stay
ry. This is extremely important
use once skin gets wet. heat is
t Quickty. If there is a breeze. heat
carried away trom Ihe body at even
faster rate. It's a good idea to wear
I as the outer layer of clothing
ause unlike colton or polyester.
I does n6t lose its insulating value
Cold water kills even faster than the
wet/wind combination. If a person is ill
50 degree F water and floats face
down (survival floating) while wailing
to be rescued - usually from a
boating accident. the predicted sur·
vlval lime is only one and one hall
hours. In this type of situation survival
lime can be tripled if a few basic steps
are followed. First of an. since Per·
sonal Flotation Devices (PFDl are reo
Quired by law for each passenger in a
boat. make use of it by putting it on as
soon as you fall inlo the water. This
will minimize movemenl and energy
that would have been used to keep
A Matter of Occassian
A Celebration
A Colloquium
Margaret Anderson
Djuna Barnes
Mary Butts
H.D.
Mine Loy
Marianne Moore
Continued from page 2
I flew 011 to Islamabad. On Sunday.
bruary 6. I met with President
neral Mohammad Zia·ul-HaQ. and
. .. A Matter of Occasion will
be held at the Gerald G.
Wilmot Mall of Music.
Nazaretil College, 4245 east
Avenue, Rochester, New York
14610onApnI15.1 5,1983.
travet by truck on goat trails and live
through bone chilling nights. you will
see some of the most beautiful valleys
on earth In Swat.
. ed the Issue. General Zia is. 01 You will also see poppy fields. We
rse. a 'fundamentalist Moslem wentlhrough valley after valley which
he. with the nallon under martial law, last year. reportedly. were covered
restored much tradilionallslamic with poppies. but now " clean " . Final ·
. Among other things. this bans Iy. we drove through the valleys that
Intoxication" while at prayer and thai were not .. clean" . Covered with
deemed to extend to the use of opium plants. aboul four inches high.
'um and its " higher" derivatives. stili in the leaf stage. They will produce
The opium fields and t.he morphine opium in May. By - what? -
heroin laboratories are mostly September, this could produce death
ted in Ihe Northwest Frontier Pro' in New York .
. ceo This is the land of the Palhans. And so there is good news and bad
warrior race. whose first recorded news. But surely only one condlusion.
tiles were with Alexander the Great If Pakistan desires economic and
embered stili as . 'Iksander' '). military aid - four F·16 fighter.
How seriously. then. could we take bombers were delivered just before I
eneral Zia 's assurances on opium arrived. but many more are scheduled
heroin? If he does not actually - il must wipe out heroin production
ntrol the araa? at every slage in what is its national
In the company of Ihe narcotics of· territory, no malter what the Brilish
r at the U.S, Embassy. Stantey called til.
muelson. I set off for Swat. a divi· All'! our government must be im·
. n in the heart of the Province. Pla': able on this point. Else the QUes· .
This is not a travelogue. but to such . tion arises: what kind of people are
may be interested. if you don't mind . we?
hing shol at occasionally (though l George Washington would have '
n'll and can stand heights a)ld had an answer.
you afloat. Once this is done. bring
your am's in close to your body and
your legs up to your chest. This is call·
ed the Heat Escape lessening Posi·
tion (HELP) and it decreases the
amount of heat being lost through
your armpits and groin area. Most im·
portantly. keep your head out of the
water. since as was previously men·
tioned half of your body heat is lost
through your head. Of course servival
time depends on the temperature of
the water and the length of immersion.
Also individuals with a larger percen·
tage of body fat have an advantage
because of their increased buoyancy
so less energy is needed to fioat. and
heat Is lost slower because the fat acts
as an insutator .
tn order to treat hypothermia you
must be able 10 recognize iI. Uncon·
trollable shivering is a warning that
you are on the vergo of hypothermia.
This is soon followed by slurred
speech, memory lapses, clumsiness,
stumbling. and drowsiness.
Treatment can begin by removing
the victim out of Ihe cold. Next. ali wet
clolhes musl be removed. If the Victim
is s\ill conscious. warm drinks (not
alcoholic - they onty lower the body
temperature further) should be ad·
ministered. and the vic~m should be
kept warm.
If Ihe victim is semi·conscious. try at
all costs to keep him awake. because
tasleep is to die. Inaddiiion. place him
stripped into a sleepinQ bag with
another person. At this point skin to
skin contacl is the mosl effective treat·
ment.
Common sense such as dressing
properly for the weather. keeping up
your energy supply. and being
prepared to stop your hike early when
signs of hypothermia appear. not only
will save your life and the lives of your
companions. but will make your
outing much more enjoyable.
Each year eanCEr
Slnkes 120.000
peop l ~ In OUr y,qk
10100. and causes OUt
e<:or1omy to K>!ie
more 1han S10 billion
In earn:ngs Earrung5
1I1al American
"",kers TI1I(lhl sllll'be
geooaJlng ~ tIley t1ad
k""''''' lhe simple
lacts on how 10
protect lhemset-..ls
fromcance;
protect your
employees. your
(:(]O'l~and
yoorseIt . call YO'"
local unll 0/ the
Amerlean Cance<
Society and ask 10<
111€Ir Ir"" pamphlet.
·HelPOI1(]'lbUl
E~yOOs 10 Protect
ihemsetves AgainSl
Cance<"SWI
~ your company On
a policy o~ good
lle.::,lrh todayl
_c:wx.rSo:llliy
Editor.ln-Chief ..... ..... ...... .. ... .. .. .............. .. . ...... .... ...... Charles Manson
News Edilor .... ... . ... ... ..... .. .. .. .. ....... .................. ......... Bill Shakespeare
Features Editor .... ... .......... ........... ......... ......... . ........... .. George Carlin
2~~~~;~~.:~~:~::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::~:::::::~:::::::::::::~:~~0~~~eG~~~
Cartoonist ................................................................. Pablo Picasso
Graphics .... ...... ... _.. ........ ......................... .. .. Hugh Hefner
Layoul Editor .... .. ........ .. .. .... ....... ... The Brothers Karamazov
8usin8SS M nager . ....... .... ............... ....... .. ..... Hsrpo Marx
Accounting ....... . .. ..... .... Karl Msrx (his brotherJ
Sie fl ................ JlmmeyCricket, theG shouse Gang. Gilbert & SUlllv31l
Flipper. the Mossback Mule Band
Photo Editor ........... ...... ...... . ........................... StEJvie Wonder
Photo Stalf .... .. .... ............................... .............. Motown Records
Rocky Maddallna today admitted that he lIn't italian -
he'.·s LItt1uantan wItfl Parklll8'Oll'. DIIa ...
8 The CLEANER Aprt11,1983
Paper Bag Players Here
Nazareth Arts Center Children's
Theatre Program will present. from
New York City, the talented Paper 8ag
Players in their new show. "Reason to
be Cheerlul, " Wednesday, April 6. 2
and 7:30 p.m., Thursday, April 7. t1
a.m, and 2 p.m .• and at Aquinas In·
stitute. Friday, April 8, 11 a,m. and 2
p.m .
The 8ags, as t!'ley are affectionately
known. appeared at Nazareth last
year. This season. their 25th. they will
perform a potpourri of skits. songs
and laughs addressing the universal
language of children.
In '1964 the troupe received on Obie
Award for "raising the level of
children's thealre through in·
telilgence, imagination and respect for
its audiences. " The group has always
employed the revue format and has
always used music as an integral part
of each show, Subject matter comes
from everyday lile - housework to
trash collectors to coping with colds
- and so do Ihe troupe's signature
props and costumes: most are
fashioned lrom cardboard cartons
and plain brown paper, embellished
with poster pain! in primary colors.
One 0' the Bags' main objectives is
to create theatre in front of children's
eyes, to involve them in the process,
10 show them that art and life are
intimately connected, When the au·
dience arrives. over·slzed props are
scattered across the stage. The l(c·
tors present themselves as real peo.
pte performing in a show, They call
each other by name and do not try to
disguise the fact they are acting,
Listening to the children who come
10 see their shows is one way Judy
Martin. founder and primary creative
force of the Bags, and her colleagues
stay in touch with a child's paint of
view. but they agree that writing and
performing for youngsters doesn't reo
quire any enormous shift of focus.
"This world that we enter is so real for
us," Martin explains. " that doing it
this way or that way tor them isn't an
issue. They are us.'''
Tickets tor the six performances are
$4 each and available at the Nazareth
Arts Center box office, 4245 East
Ave .. or by calling 586·2420, Group
rates are also available,
In a formal press release, the Speech Pathology
Department of Nazareth' College announced that they
will tie doing a tribute to Harpo Marx. According to the
release, on April 1 st, they will be showing all the films of
Marx Brothers. Free admission to the event for all
students who request a ticket by honking their horn.
SuIhertand to do guest spot on
'Muppets'
Tonight on Channel 7 Dr. Alec
Sutherland will be appearing on the
world reknowned .. Muppet Show, "
Dr. Sutherland will do a novelty
number with Gonzo, teach rhetoric to
Fozzie aod end the program (per·
manently) by dining on roast pork and
frog legs,
Today at Nazareth. Greg Evans was
spoiled on campus after 2 p.m, Those
of you who think the world is coming to
an end, relax. It turns out that they just
forgot to sent his paycheck home and
he came in to get il.
Nazareth Molhemouse named
'Best UttIe Nun-hoose on the
campus
McDonald's to buy Naz; New
moIto: 'Gel a McNaz Spazl'
Public Notice: The Chemistry and
biology departments note to Nazareth
college officials and students: Don't
worry about Genetic exPeriment S-89
,,,hl,..h MAl.I.o~" "', "\I~. lak U~.A""'6 ...
TIle Genesee Cat Fanciers' Club,
Inc. is a non·profit organization, The
Annual Championship Allbreed Cat
Show is its major fund ra iser. Pro­ceeds
are distributed to national
animal health research foundations,
local pet shelters and animal welfare
organizations, and other local
charities.
Lost: One tan aquired in Florida,
Personals:
Will who ever lost the plain brown
wallet with over IWO thousand dollars
in it please form a line at Ihe security
desk.
Garfield to speak
atNaz
The noted feline cartoon strip
character Garlield (real name Julius
MilspaughJ will be speaking to Nez
S1udents in the Chart reus Room of the
Arts Center on April 1 sl. This cuddly
three hundred poury! ball of fur and
fangs will speak 10 students about
careers as cartoon characters. After·
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•••••
•••••••.( "~.'l \.• •••••••
: ( Campus Paperback BestselleJj :
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• Kusnnct. (Avon. sa.SO.) Comfofhng l h()ugr.l .$. from alabb, •
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9. The Pat.Ual "'o,alc. by Aob&rt liJellum (Bar"l1am. $4.50.)
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